I never know how to tell someone that I have cancer. A lot of times I'm not sure that it's really necessary that they know, but sometimes I think they should know. Because Gosh Darn-It, I want some sympathy!! For example, I have work colleagues who don't know I have brain cancer, and I feel like they'd want to know. But it's an awful lot to share with someone out of the blue. I don't want to overwhelm them and make them feel sorry for me, although I do like all the attention. I can't really envision how that information fits into normal conversation:
"Hey Ian, great job on that report."
"Thanks, it's pretty good for someone with brain cancer, right?"
You see, that's not natural. But these are people who I care about and who probably care about me, at least to some degree. I mean, I'm a fairly easy guy to like, and I think that's because of how humble I am! (Seriously you guys, I am SOOOOO humble. I'm really, really good at it!!)
I mean, I could go with the traditional "Guess who has 2 thumbs and brain cancer?... THIS GUY" but it doesn't seem like that takes it seriously enough.
Then again, I am rarely serious even when the situation calls for it so maybe a humorous approach to telling people is the key.
As I've been thinking about it I realized that a lot of other cancer patients probably deal with this same issue. So in an attempt to help others (I'm nothing if not helpful) I compiled the following list of suggestions for telling others that you have cancer:
- "Guess who has 2 thumbs and brain cancer?... THIS GUY" (Point at self with thumbs)
- "Hey, you know how some people have cancer? ... I'm 'some people'."
- "So... I'm doing chemotherapy, and not just for the fun of it."
- Casually mention that you have an oncologist in conversation.
- Example: "Hey, my oncologist just got a Labradoodle too!"
- "I have CANCER!!!!" (yelled really loud, when asked to do something you want to get out of)
- Example: "Hey Ian, would you mind helping John build out that Excel report?" - "I have CANCER!"
- Frame it as a prayer request. You can tell people anything when you frame it as a prayer request.
- Blame something on the cancer.
- Example: "Looks like you broke my snowblower when you borrowed it." - "Yeah, but I have cancer."
If none of those work for you then you could try this:
Direct them to a website where you share that you have cancer in a humorous, albeit severely lacking in decorum article and hope they have a sense of humor.
Also, real quick, let me welcome all the new people I shared this website with. Surprise! Sorry that I didn't have the stones to tell you in person, but in my defense... I have CANCER! :(
